Today I am more thankful than ever for my friends, family and church family. Last Sunday we sold our Diabetic Alert Dog bracelets between worship and Bible class. Tonight we held a fundraising meal at church. We had incredible responses to both efforts. All told, we made $2,692 at both events combined. That is amazing! Besides monetary donations, we had several people donate desserts and others who helped clean up after the meal. I was exhausted by then, and so relieved that they were willing and able to wash dishes (my absolute least favorite chore).

Here's one of the cakes that was donated.

Also, our friends who already have a DAD came by to see us at dinner. Their presence really cemeted how wonderful a DAD can be. It opened up a lot of questions about the dog and allowed me to do some educating. Also, the DAD alerted on both my kids!! MH was low and EJ was high. That in itself was awesome.

I really don't have enough words to express our thanks for all the generosity and love we have been shown as we start this journey.

Last night was a good example of why we need a Diabetic Alert Dog. MH had 6 lows between 4pm and 2 am. When I finally got her up to 139 at midnight and felt comfortable going to sleep, Ethan started going low (90 at midnight and 72 at 2am). Needless to say we are very tired this morning. We are looking forward to having a DAD to help keep a nose on our kiddos.

We are having a mini fundraiser by selling these bracelets.

They are $2 apeice and say "Until there's a cure, there's a dog."

Selling these will be another step toward paying for our dog.

MH’s Story

We had been trucking along for about 4 years with T1D a constant presence in our home. Ethan was doing pretty well, although every day is a challenge with him. Once in a while we checked the girl’s blood sugars for our own peace of mind, but also so they would have some inkling of what Ethan did daily. In February of 2009, when MH was 7, our lives turned over again.

MH had been moody and grumpy and complaining of a headache for several days. She is usually outgoing and bubbly and involved in everything. On Monday, she and I were in a family martial arts class during her first really bad moment. I was in with the adults and she was in with the kids. One of the instructors came and got me out of my class because she was sick. She was shaking and crying, and complaining that her head hurt and that she was sick at her stomach. I asked her if she wanted to home, and she said that since class was almost over, I should go ahead and finish my class. One of the other moms was waiting for class to get out so she offered to sit with MH until my class was done. So I gave MH some Tylenol and some water and went back to class for the last 15 minutes or so. After class, the other mom said that MH had almost gone to sleep but never really stopped crying. I did get pretty worried at that point because it is not like her to keep on crying. So I asked her if she needed to go to the walk-in clinic. She said “maybe.” As it happened, the clinic was closed so we went home. She took her shower, drank more water, and then went right to bed. I was worried because when she gets strep, she goes down really hard. I thought that was maybe the problem, but she didn’t have any fever. The next morning, Tuesday, she was feeling better and wanted to go to school. So I gave her another Tylenol and sent her. After lunch, she called feeling really bad so Jeff picked her up and took her home. When he got home he called me at work to tell me what was going on with her. I asked him to check her blood sugar to put my mind at ease. Jeff checked himself and all three kids to make it more like our normal periodic checks. Jeff was 104 (normal adult BG is 80-120). Nana's was 119. Ethan was running pretty high at 440, but Jeff gave him some insulin from his pump and he was good to go... then he checked Mary Hannah. Her blood glucose was 494! Jeff’s initial reaction was the desire for denial. Mine too. He called me at work and I headed home so we could make a decision about what to do (call the pediatrician, the endo, or go on to the ER). We decided to go on to the ER to make sure we weren’t headed into DKA.  Thankfully, she was not in DKA. She did have some ketones, but all the other blood work looked ok. Then we had to tell her.

MH and Lucky Bear. Lucky got a shot and a bandaid too.

Of course, having grown up with Ethan’s T1, she knew a lot about it. We and the doctor told her that she had diabetes like Ethan. She took it really well.  First, she asked the doctor “Are you sure? Do you need to run any more tests?” He assured her that there was nothing else that would make her BG so high. Her next question came along with the expected anger and tears “Why me? Ethan already has it. Why should 2 kids in one family have it?” My heart melted a bit then when I had to say “I don’t know baby. You are right. It’s not fair.” We had some discussion and some hugs and tears, but she rallied us all with her next big question: “So, when do I get my pump? And can I get the cordless kind?” Wow. What a kid.

She was not admitted to the hospital that night (nor has she ever been). The ER docs, who knew us, felt like we could take better care of her at home. We had the supplies we needed and the know how. We didn’t know how much insulin a seven year old would need, so we decided on giving her the same amount as Ethan, knowing it would not be enough, but would be better than nothing.

Wednesday, we called the Endo in OKC and headed up to Oklahoma for a visit we had hoped never to make. MH was a real trooper through several days worth of ordeal. She got right on board with checking her own sugar and even giving her own shots. I am so proud of her. Naturally we had rants, long talks, and tears on the long drive, but overall it was pretty smooth.

Now for a truly amazing part of the story: MH wanted to go back to school on Thursday! She did want us to come and talk to her class about Diabetes with her. So we had an amazing discussion with her class. They asked really well thought out and sensible questions. When we were done talking, three or four of the girls, jumped up, embraced MH and told her that they would always love her and stand beside her through everything. Those are some amazing friends. They have all held true to their word. MH’s best friend, E, also learned how to count carbs, give shots, and operate MHs insulin pump. I honestly couldn’t have wished for a better friendship for my girl.

Ethan’s Diagnosis Story

Ethan was diagnosed at 18 months old. The week leading up to his diagnosis was spent hauling him back and forth to the doctor. I was 29 weeks pregnant with our third child and was completely exhausted. Ethan hadn’t been sleeping more than an hour or two at a time. Mostly he would only sleep if I sat in the rocking chair and held him. I believe we actually saw the doctor three times and went to the lab twice. He did have strep and some kind of viral infection. The last time (EVER) that we went to the lab was on Thursday afternoon. We didn’t hear anything new on Friday, so we kept on treating Ethan’s symptoms which at this point included a low grade fever, runny nose, sore throat, extreme thirst, overwhelming urination, and vomiting. He also had quit saying anything except “water,” “bed,” and “momma,” he lost the ability to walk or even stand, and he quit drinking from a cup. On Saturday, December 18, my parents came to celebrate Christmas with us early since they were going to California after Christmas and I was not stable enough for travel. Ethan perked up a bit on Saturday when we opened presents. He actually tried to make a basket in his new basketball goal and ate a little chicken.

Sunday was going to be a very busy day. We had church, then a Christmas open house at our house after lunch. Ethan was REALLY sick, so mom stayed home with him while we all went on to church. Before church, we talked to a friend who was an ER doctor and asked him to come by and see Ethan after worship. He came in, took one look at Ethan, who by this time was turning blue on his hands, feet and face, threw him in the car and took him to the hospital. Husband Jeff went along with him. I stayed home because of the open house and tried to get everything ready without worrying. A little while later a neighbor stopped in. Jeff called her from the hospital to come and get me. He had called me, but I was vacuuming and didn’t hear the phone. She told me that they were admitting him and that I needed to get down to the hospital ASAP. So leaving MH with Nana and Poppa, I hurried over to the ER. When I got there, Dr. Jeff (our friend) told me that Ethan had Type 1 Diabetes and that the LifeFlight helicopter was on the way to pick him up and take him to OU Children’s Medical center in Oklahoma City. We stayed at the ER until the flight crew took him. We went home and packed an overnight bag, (really just overnight) and drove almost 2 hours to the hospital. On the way I made a few calls to friends and relatives. I had to get a sitter for MH (3 years old). Nana and Poppa waited for the sitter, handled the open house, then drove to the Hospital also. When we got to the PICU we found Ethan completely unconscious, unresponsive, with an oxygen mask, lots of heart leads, a blood pressure cuff and a couple of IVs. We still really had no clue what we were in for. Our doctor came in and told us a very little bit about T1. Ethan was in Diabetic Ketoacidosis, he wasn’t getting enough oxygen, and his BG was 697. The doctor said he thought we had caught it in time, but he wasn’t sure.

Overnight we stood by his bed, held his tiny little hands and cried. We could not believe that we had let him get so sick. Finally, one of the nurses was able to find me a rocking chair to sit in, but it was not much better than standing. (Remember, 30 weeks pregnant now). During the night, one of my “chosen sisters” came with a ‘rescue’ bag of food, crossword puzzle books, pencils, etc. But mostly, she dropped everything, cancelled her clients for 2 days, and came to be with us. (T – you are the sister of my heart). We stayed in the ICU for almost 3 days. (Remember that overnight bag I had? I was really reeking by this point). Toward the end of the second day, Ethan started to wake up. Dr. C was excited, but warned us that due to many complications, Ethan might have brain damage. However, not long after that Ethan started pulling at his IVs and opened his eyes. He looked around and said “Momma? Da da? I go outside.” You would not believe how loud all the nurses cheered when he spoke! It was such a relief.

 After we moved out of the PICU and into a regular room, I finally sat down. It was good that Ethan was well enough to go to a regular room, because by that time I was in labor. I had to leave him and go to labor and delivery where the doctors we able to stop my labor. The next morning I got to go back to Ethan’s room, and our education began. Ethan was getting back to his old self, and we spent 3 very intensive days with a variety of CDEs and doctors learning how to take care of our boy.

We were sent home on Christmas Eve. I got the best Christmas gift EVER. My son was alive and was going to be ok.

P. S. Remember that lab in the 1^st paragraph? They had decided that their results from Ethan’s blood work were ‘anomalous’ and so they sent them to another lab in another city late Friday for a recheck. They didn’t call us, they didn’t call the doctor who had specifically ordered a glucose test and a full blood panel to check for diabetes. In short they screwed us royally. They actually never called the doctor. They sent over a report that was improperly filed with some other lab reports. Our doctor didn’t even find it until after we called her Monday morning to tell her we were at Children’s. Hmm. I never paid that lab either. Nor do I ever intend to.

Taste Trust

After Mary Hannah was born, I began to understand more about God’s parental relationship with me. I am as dependent on Him as an infant is on her parents. I nursed Mary Hannah for about three months, and then I moved her onto formula. Later, as Mary Hannah moved into eating regular, solid foods, I became able to grasp a true wonder. I have fed her hundreds of times, but there was a moment of true understanding one day in the kitchen.

            As is typical with people there were some foods Mary Hannah liked, and some that she did not like. As I was shoveling oatmeal and peaches into her little mouth as quickly as I could, she repeatedly opened her mouth for the spoon. This is not astounding as she was very hungry. But I offered her something new, peas. She willingly opened and closed her mouth and took a big bite of peas. Then as a horrible look spread over her face, she spat them out and shook her head. I wiped her mouth to get those awful peas away, took up the bowl and spoon, and I was surprised when she opened her mouth again. Why? Because she trusted me. In her own little way she demonstrated that she had utter faith that I would not give her something that was bad for her. She opened her mouth because she trusted that I wouldn’t fill her mouth with sand or poison. Even though I had fed her peas which she clearly did not like, she still opened her mouth for me like a little baby bird, secure in the knowledge that I would not feed her something bad.

            This sudden revelation struck me – This is how God wants me to trust Him. He puts good things on my plate, my husband and children, for me to enjoy. When I open my mouth, he feeds me with the foods I am ready for. He puts people in my life to spoon feed me knowledge and lead me to be spiritually filled. He satisfies me with joy and comfort. I eat up his goodness; “my cup overflows” (Psalm 23:5).

            Does this mean that I enjoy every single bite that God has put on my plate? No. I do not like Type 1 Diabetes. I do not like that Sarah only had 14 years to taste her own life and to flavor mine. I do not like measuring every bite of food that my children eat and then medicating them for it. I do not like looking at candy as both medicine and poison. I do not like worrying about their blood sugars. I find poking them with needles, insulin pumps, and glucose monitors distasteful. I chew on worry every time they are ill, wondering if they will need hospitalization. I detest wondering every night if they will wake up in the morning.

            BUT – I open my mouth anyway. I drink and eat of what God gives me daily because I trust in Him. I may not like my daily meals of good and bad dishes, but I can examine each taste of sour bitterness for a burst of sweetness on my tongue. I taste laughter from my children’s jokes; I taste their salty, sweaty tears. I gorge on the purity of their embraces in the aftertaste of their coppery blood. I delight in their sugary, sweet kisses on my face; I taste their tangy bitterness at Type 1 Diabetes. I drink in their successes, their imaginations, and their music; I find their defeats distasteful. And I would not trade the richest most exotic fruit for the multitude of flavors that they bring into my life. How we appreciate the sweetness when bitterness is also present.

            My daughter taught me how to trust God. I may not always like what he serves me, though certainly, I begin to see how a cup of bitterness may complement this banquet that is my life. If I only taste good things, how can I learn to appreciate them? “One who is full loathes honey, but to one who is hungry everything bitter is sweet” (Prov 27:7). I am reminded to hunger after God and trust that he will fill me with good fruits. Like Mary Hannah, I continue opening my mouth to take in whatever food God gives to me.

Similie, Internet and food

Mary Hannah (10) takes after me in many ways. One particular way is her love of language. She enjoys wordplay and making odd comparisons. Last night she was complaining about how slow our wireless is at home.
She said, "Matt's internet is like drinking a glass of water. Leah's internet is like swallowing a pill that gets stuck but eventually goes on down. Our internet is like chewing a really fatty piece of meat. It's not going anywhere."

Where does she come up with this stuff?

Am

How to be a Stretched out Mom

I entered a contest to describe how I am a "Do-it-all" Mom. The entry essay had to be only 1500 characters (including spaces) which is just not enough space to write details. Here is the entry I started out with before I cut it in half. Anyone else have wonderful ideas to keep everyone prepared for daily life?

As the Stretched-out-Mom of three very involved kiddos, I have developed several plans for keeping my kiddos on track, ready for school, and prepared for their after school activities. Two of my 3 kids are Type 1 Diabetics which adds another level of preparedness to every day. I work full0time for a university and my husband is a therapist. This year I am going to be working with the children’s chorus in our town. This school year is going to be an especially busy time for all of us because I am starting graduate school. The routines that we use at home are designed to make everyone’s day easy.

Among the routines that our family has established are breakfast and dinner menus, chore charts, and after school schedules, with time left over for family meals, cuddles on the couch and stories at bedtime. The establishment of these routines makes each day go more smoothly. Not that every day is a walk in the park, but if you express your expectations to your children, they don’t have much to complain about when it is time to clean up or take baths.

Most of our routines are outlined on the refrigerator. The kitchen is the center of the home and so the kids are visually reminded each time they walk through or get a snack. Our breakfast menu is the same each week so there is no time wasted in deciding what they want for breakfast. That doesn’t mean breakfast is boring, however. We have granola and fruit, yogurt, a special breakfast (muffins, pancakes, scrambled eggs, etc.) toaster waffles (because that’s a family favorite) and cereal. When we shop for groceries, the kids choose the fruit, the yogurt flavor, the special meal, etc. so that they are a part of the planning process. Our evening meals are much the same. They each take one night to choose the meal and help prepare it. This way they are sure to have something they really like to eat, and also they develop math skills, cooking skills, and nutritional knowledge. We emphasize making good choices in what we eat.

Also on the fridge are chore charts. We have an allowance each day if they do 5 simple tasks. If they do not complete them, then no allowance. We chose: complete homework, shower and tidy the bathroom after you are done, choose your clothes for tomorrow, pick up your room (for about 10 minutes) and pick up your area of the house (they picked the area they would be responsible for: living room, art cabinet, bathroom cabinet.) Additionally, they have other chores they can choose to earn spending money. For example they can, put away dishes, vacuum, do a load of laundry, or mow the yard. This way, they can’t complain about not having spending money. They always have an opportunity to earn some.

After school, they eat snack and take a break, then they have to do homework. In this way the homework is done before dance, boy scouts, play practice, etc. When we get through with our out of school activities, we cook and eat dinner together, and have time before bed to enjoy our family. We only allow electronics on the weekends, so the tv and computer are not distractions.

Sometimes it is hard to keep all of these balls in the air, but each day that the kids do the routine makes it easier.

ELE - 6yr old Adrenaline Junkie

Sea World has a few roller coasters and a waterpark in addition to all the animal exhibits. We offered the kids a chance to ride the Steel Eel, A basic roller coaster with a pretty good drop on the first hill. Jeff, MH and ELE decided to ride it. I was sure that MH and Jeff would enjoy it, but I was a little apprehensive about ELE. In fact another mom got off the ride just before ELE got on and warned me that ELE might not ever forgive me for talking her into going on the ride. As soon as the ride was over, Ethan and I went around to the ride exit. ELE came off moaning, holding her head and her stomach. I asked her how the ride was and she said “oh, I’m dizzy and my stomach is all wobbly and I want to do it again!” which of course made me laugh because of the drama.

Later we headed to the water park because the kids had never been. We tried out the lazy river, the wave pool and then decided to go on the water slides. It was quite a hike up the stairs. When our turn came, I was going to go first, then the kids and Jeff last. That way I would be there at the end to greet them, and Jeff could keep track of them up top. At the top there were 4 choices. I picked the next open one. ELE decided to go down the same one I chose. So off I went. I didn’t realize that this water slide was a PITCH BLACK VORTEX OF DOOM! Ok maybe it wasn’t that bad, but I found it unnerving to be zipping down a tunnel and not able to see at all where I was going or which way the next turn was. There were a couple of drops where I left the tube. About halfway down, I thought, “Oh no ELE’s not going to like this!” Ele doesn’t like the dark, or being alone, or surprises really. I figured this was a bad combination. At the bottom I got out of the pool and waited for ELE. She was a little longer coming down than I thought. Then finally, here she came, screaming and laughing and begging to do it again. Turns out, the reason that she took so long was that she fell out of the inner tube and had to climb back in. After Jeff, MH and Ethan all made it down to the bottom it was time to go home. Naturally the kids were unhappy about this, but that is all in a day’s fun.

I believe that ELE will have a fabulous time at Disney Land later this year. I hope Uncle Chris can keep up with her.

I saw the sea (world)

I have been to Sea World 3 times. The 1st time was in Orlando when I was young. I don't remember a lot about it, but I do remember that my parents didn't want us to sit in the "splash zone." Probably because they didn't want a bunch of stinky drippy kids in the car. Jeff & I also went Sea World on our honeymoon. Again, we didn't sit in the "splash zone." We did go to the dolphin pool, but the dolphins just swam around and ignored all the people.

Recently, we had a chance to take our children to Sea World. I had our plan for the day all laid out. I decided that now it was my chance to decide what the family would do (basically to do what I wanted to do and everyone else should just hush up and go along with it.)

After a little research we (I) decided that first thing we would feed the dolphins. I made ELE and Ethan (MH was off with the girl scouts) stand in a long line in the hot sun to wait for the dolphin feeding time. You would have thought I was torturing them. ELE whined and complained because the was SOOO hot. "I'm BURNING" she repeated. Ethan was less whiny but he didn't want to wait either. I told them to stop complaining and learn to like it.

Finally it was our turn. We paid our $16 for 9 tiny little fish, listened to the talk on how to feed and where it is ok to touch the dolphins, and finally it was our turn. It was a most amazing experience. I finally got to pet a dolphin. It was worth the heat, the sweat, the $16, and even worth touching dead fish. I thought that if I smiled any wider my face might split clean in two.

After visiting the sharks and the coral reef exhibit we met up with the girl scouts and made a plan for the afternoon. I was determined to sit really close at One Ocean (the Shamu show) in order to be splashed and hopefully totally soaked. Jeff stayed up high in the stadium to hold our stuff and take pictures. I pretty much dragged my kids down to the third row where the seats were still wet from the show 3 hours earlier. I explained that this was an experience I had wanted for my whole life. ELE was ready: she wanted to get "soaking" to replace the "burning." As the show progressed we got splashed just a little. It was tantalizing really and I was preparing myself for another disappointment at Sea World. ELE kicked the whining up a notch and Ethan got in on the "I'm hot. Why won't they splash us?" action. I told them to be patient and enjoy the show. It's not often that West Texas kids get to see whales. Finally almost at the end of the show we got splashed 6 TIMES!! I had a mouth and eyes full of very cold salt water and was loving every minute of it. MH was laughing and smiling and wanting more. . . Ethan and ELE were hiding tornado drill style under the bleachers. Ethan was practically screaming "No more! No more" and ELE screamed/cried "I want to go to Daddy." I made them sit up and told them to have fun (that's an order). We certainly weren't hot anymore. I told them, "I've wanted to do this my whole life. You are going to sit here in the Splash Zone and ENJOY IT!" Way to impose my dreams onto my kids. I think maybe ELE is traumatized forever.

My Wonderful Husband

I have the most wonderful husband in the world, and he is the most amazing daddy ever. This morning I awoke with a migraine. My angel husband brought me a coke and then fed the kids breakfast, fixed their lunches, got them dressed and took them to school while I slept and tried to get rid of my headache. That was truly wonderful. As anyone with kiddos knows it is not the easiest thing to get them out the door in the mornings.


Then this afternoon when I got home from work, I found Jeff at the kitchen counter with Mary Hannah. They were learning how to knit. Mary Hannah bought a “knit a teddy bear” kit. They were looking at the instructions and trying to figure out what to go. WOW. That is a real man of a dad. (I didn’t even want to learn to knit. I tried crocheting some, but it didn’t work out so well.)
Then after knitting for awhile, Jeff cooked dinner and got the kids into the tub so I could rest since my head is still bothering me. I have been truly blessed by having such a kind, thoughtful, generous, & helpful husband.

I love you, Jeff
Am

Girl Talk

Tonight Mary Hannah said, “Mom, after I get my pajamas on I want to come talk to you alone.” Of course I wondered what it was she needed to talk about privately. Was it time for the “girl talk?” I geared myself up, thinking of ways to explain the “birds and bees” with enough detail to satisfy her need for knowledge, but not so many that she would be over burdened. I needn’t have worried.


When we settled down to cuddle and talk, she told me that when she listens to sweet songs she feels sad like she is growing up too fast. She feels like she’s 12 (so grown up) instead of just 8. So we talked and I reminded her that God made her and planned how she would grow up. We talked about being a kid and not having much responsibility, and how hard it is to take responsibility for herself. I revealed that even at 35 I sometimes feel the same way: too grown up with too many responsibilities. I tried explaining how God starts us out with small responsibilities like turning in spelling assignments on time, and how He moves us to larger responsibilities that come with age. I reassured her that she has plenty of time left to be a little kid.

We have been talking about how she has a huge responsibility in taking care of her body with diabetes. I think that may be the root of her struggle. She still thinks it is ok to grab a handful of M&Ms on the way through the kitchen. We have told her that she can’t do that without getting insulin, and yet she still does it. We haven’t told her all of the dangers to her body if she allows her blood sugar to remain high. We have not wanted to burden her with the knowledge that she could lose kidneys, eyesight, and limbs. We want her life to be as normal as possible.

So how do we teach our children this incremental responsibility? We begin with simple things like putting away toys and clothes. We train them how to answer the phone, wash dishes, fold laundry, & feed the pets. And move on to more advanced expectations. We expect them to start doing these things without being told: to find the intrinsic motivation they need. Then we assign them more responsibilities. And then suddenly they are driving, and dating and off to college where they are on their own. No one is there to hold their hands and tell them what to do. We must take the opportunity when they are young to instill in them a good sense of responsibility and a good work ethic.
As parents we have not only the normal adult responsibilities (job, home food, bills), but also the added responsibility of children’s lives.

Specificity

In past years I wrote everyday. Much of that time I was in school writing for an assignment, in a journal, and sometime just for fun. Then I taught school and I wrote to provide examples of writing for my classes. Then I had 3 kiddos and the writing basically just stopped. Now I am trying to restart my "writing engine" but I find that the idea supply has also stopped. The other night I was sitting on the couch with my very hyper 4 year old. After turning a few flips and jumping on me she looked at my blank legal pad and the pen I was holding and asked what I was doing. I explained that I was trying to think of things to write about and asked her for suggestions. (This was not a brilliant move on my part.) So she thought for a minute and said, "Plants, Momma, you should write about plants." I thanked her for the idea and tried to explain that I wanted something more specific. "What's spapacific?" came her reply. In my great wisdom I explained the word specific to her. I told her how there might be a broad topic and that I was looking for one idea or one detail from that topic. After a few moments of glassy-eyed stare she nodded and said, "So what does spapacific really mean?" I tried another tack. I suggested trees for a topic, and went on to say that I could write only about mesquite trees or crepe myrtles. Her little brow furrowed in concentration. In an effort to clarify I said, "Instead of writing about the whole tree, I could write about the bark. That would be specific." She nodded and said "ok." We sat in silence for a few moments, then suddenly the ideas began to flow freely from my daughter.

"Momma, you could write about flowers; no just the petals. Or Pumpkins, no just the seeds I like pumpkin seeds momma. I know, you should write about unicorns; wait just the horn" I got the giggles from this very "spapacific" list which only encouraged her more. She hollered, "Cows? Ducks? Fans? Blinds?"

Obviously at this point the conversation had deteriorated so much that I just put down my pen and cuddled my baby.

Even though I didn't choose any of the topics that she suggested, I gained a great topic, and a lot of insight into the mind of a 4 year old. Her world is very concrete. Where the world of adults is quite abstract.
I don't think I am going to try and tackle that one just yet with her.

Love on your kids. They are precious.
Am

What's in a name?

I respond to many different names. My given name is Mary Amelia KayLynn. Thankfully I didn't have to write all of that in 1st grade. I go by Amelia, but close family and friends call me "Am." My Dad and my brothers also call me "sis." Many members of my extended family call me Mary Amelia because of the remarkable number of Marys in my family. My brother and his friends still call me Oatmelia (which didn't make sense as I hate oatmeal) and Slenderella (which I take as a compliment.) Throughout my life I have been called many random names. I had a boss who insisted on calling me "Camille." She even put it on my nametag. My theatre teacher always called me Punkin. I don't think that ever in 4 years whe used my name. As an adult, my students called me Mrs. Emery, or just Mrs. E. Some just called me teacher. My co-workers call me Mrs. Amelia and occasionally, "Miss tall person." And just today my Martial Arts Master, who has a hard time pronouncing my name) just gave up on it and started calling me "Flash." Not bad, but I prefer "Elasta-Girl." My husband calls me Am so often that it sounds wierd for him to say my whole name. He also calls me hunny. I am known to my kids' friends as Mrs. Emery, that lady from the teacher store, or most commonly "Mary Hannah's mom" or "Ethan's mom." As for my angel children, my favorite name is momma. They use all the variations: mom, mommy, and my least favorite, moooommmmmeeeee!

I know that it is common to have many names and nicknames for different situations. In fact, I do this to my children. Mary Hannah often becomes M H or Sister; Ethan is EJ or brother. Eleanor is affectionately called ELE (pronounced Ellie) and called in frustration "ELE-NO." (that one save time see, to just make that ever present "no" part of her name. We all also think of ourselves by different names. For a long time ELE called herself Eleanor Jeffrey (my husband's name) Dodd (her best friend's last name.)

So what is the point?

God has many names also, a different one for every situation: Elohim, Adoni, Lord, Master, Alpha & Omega. There are far to many to analyze or even list here. I don't pretend to be a Biblical scholar, but each of His names strikes a different tone in my heart. Just as "Mrs. Emery" strikes me as formal and is indicitave perhaps of a professional or even distant relationship, so Elohim or Adonai sounds to me. I feel a formality and sense of awe at reading these names. A more personal name for me, Amelia, makes me feel familiar, welcome, like a cozy chair by the fireplace. Likewise, Lord and Jesus are names that evoke in me a personal generally comfortable relationship. These names represent to me someone with whom I can share my thoughts, make requests, converse with, and ask for guidance from. On an even deeper level the pet name Hunny and my children calling me Momma is the most personal and intimate relationship. There are only 3 people who call me Momma and only 1 who calls me Hunny. I feel that kind of personal intimate relationship when I call God "Father." To the embodiement of this name I can bring my most intimate emotions: the incredible joy of holding my newborn child, the comforting shoulder to cry on and even rail against with perfect security in times of trouble, the intimacy of a confidante.

We often see artsy pieces with definitions of names. Sometimes our name really suits us, mine is "hard worker," and sometimes it doesn't. Mary Hannah's name seems to cancel itself out (Mary-sea of bitterness, Hannah-grace, favor.) As she is one of the most positive kiddos that I know, I'm not sure how accurate the Mary is. It is easy to look at a list of God's names and be awed by the amazing number of ways that God is named or referred to. (Try Googling "Names of God." The responses are overwhelming.) But take a look at the lists. Think about your names and God's names and the way that those names make you feel.

For me it is awe inspiring. It makes me feel pretty small. But then at the same time, I realize how in all His infintie wisdom and all the things that He must take care of, God made me. He loves me. He defines me. And He gives me all these wonderful people around me who use all my various names, and I feel big again. I am special. No matter what you call it.
-Am

Diabetes and Hope

To Hope by John Keats
When by my solitary hearth I sit,
And hateful thoughts enwrap my soul in gloom;
When no fair dreams before my "mind's eye" flit,
And the bare heath of life presents no bloom;
Sweet Hope, ethereal balm upon me shed,
And wave thy silver pinions o'er my head!
Stanza 1


I am blessed in many ways. I can’t begin to count the blessings that God has given to me: children, husband, family, work, home. Sometimes though, even when I am surrounded by my blessings, I feel despair. I allow the problems that I have to drag me down into depression and gloom, and all I can see are my difficulties and my seemingly insurmountable issues.
See, one of my greatest blessings is continually tied up in one of my greatest fears. My children are joy of my life. They fill me up on ways I never could have imagined. I look forward to being at home with them so that we can cuddle, talk about their days, color, play with legos and blocks, read, and just spend time wrapped in love. Now for my difficulty and fear. My oldest 2 children have Type 1 diabetes. My middle child, Ethan, was diagnosed in 2004 at 18 months old. Because it is so unusual for a child under age 5 to develop the disease, diagnosis took a long time, and we almost lost him. (There’s a blessing: we still have him.) My oldest daughter, Mary Hannah was diagnosed with Type 1 this year. (There’s another blessing: we caught it early.) Now we are carefully watching our youngest child for signs of the disease. (There’s another blessing: we know what to look for.) So my greatest joys and struggles are all bound up together. It is so easy to feel the victim in this situation. We cry out to God, “Why us? Why now? Why 2 of our kids?” We are filled with worry about the most mundane things. We allow ourselves to dwell on the hopelessness of the situation.
Now on to the hope. With diagnosis comes hope of survival. With treatment comes the hope of healthy fulfilling lives. And with advancements in medicine, research and treatment, comes a hope for a cure.

Sometimes we have to go hunting for hope. It seems elusive, slippery. We must search for it in unusual areas. My husband and I work toward bringing hope to other families with Type 1 kids.

Hope is not an easy thing to hold onto. The following scripture tells us that we must “be strong.” Sometimes I do not feel like being strong. But in the midst of my weeping and despair I hear God’s voice reminding me that I do have hope in Him and through Him.

Psalm 31:24
Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD.